“Pole Clamming”

Here's a random stripper term you might not care to know exists, but it does….and it's gross.

Pole clamming: the act of wrapping one's legs around the pole while in the nude and letting your 'clam' touch the pole. Unfortunately those who believe pole clamming is acceptable also tend to believe gyrating while in this position is also acceptable. It's not.

In short, once the panties are off ladies, don't put your pussy on that pole. It's not good for you, and it certainly isn't good for the girl that has to follow you on stage.

Oh no you DI’INT!

I think I'm going to make this an ongoing list as this is obviously a constant part of the job…

Responses to the infamous question "would you like a dance" and how we strippers would really like to reply.

• This is an actual word for word conversation that I had with a charming customer earlier this evening. We'd been chatting for a bit and I finally posed the question. His response: "Oh no thanks, there's too many rules and limits here. Texas clubs are so much better, you can get so much more for your money." Look, there's nothing we can do about the rules and regulations the state places on strip clubs, get over it. My response: "Well, puddin', you and I are not currently in Texas; would you like a North West style dance or not?" He responded in a very blasé fashion, waving his hand at the other side of the room, "Eh, why don't you go try to get a dance from someone else and if you can't, come back here and I'll see what I can scrape up for you." I was completely offended and forced myself to stand and walk away before I relieved him the few teeth he had left. No thanks douche bag, I can do without your pity dance.
  
• Here's a few of the standard responses that we apparently just can't get enough of. Oh boy. Oh boy.
  
  • "Maybe later" or "Not right now" – A simple "maybe later" almost never actually means 'please come back later'. It usually means 'I don't want a dance, but I haven't the balls to turn this half-naked chick down'. Jesus Christ, just man up and say "no thank you"! We'd much rather hear that so you're not wasting our time later on if we bother coming back and asking again.
    
  • "I'm all out of money!" - LEAVE. No, seriously.
    
  • "I'm married" or just a flash of the diligent ring finger– Congratulations! So how about that dance? Oh oh, you're saying you can't get a dance because you're married. Do…you have a bed-time too?
    
  • "Oh I'm just watching the show tonight." – So when you go into a restaurant and the waitress asks for your order, do you turn her down telling here you'd just like to stare at the food instead?
    
  • "No thanks, but could you bring me that girl?" – Oh no you DI'INT! (Said Shaniqua style.) If you have a death wish involving a stiletto pierced spleen, say this. Never fails.
    

It really is just better to be honest and clear. Here are a few handy responses that you can never go wrong with: No thanks. Yes please. Not right now, but I really would like you to come back as I find you are the most fantastically gorgeous goddess here and I would like you to rub yourself all over my bod sometime before the evening is out.