I find that when I’m with my non- stripper friends I do and say quite a few things that seem strange to them. My immediate justification for my action is always “It’s a stripper thing”. So here’s a list of stripper things…because I find it amusing:
- · Roller-bags…I don’t personally go for the full-on roller luggage, but many do and it is so a stripper thing.
- · Juicy Suits. I have no idea why these sweat suits are so big with strippers; I suppose they’re comfy. If you see a young chick walking down the street in a bright Juicy Suit dragging a roller bag behind her; stripper.
- · Cutting tags out of under garments. Always cut the tags out! It’s so tacky to leave them in.
- · Baby wipes. Holy crap strippers love their baby wipes. I buy mine at Costco, seriously.
- · Perpetually bruised knees. Maybe it’s my diet, maybe I’m lacking in some important nutrient that my body needs to prevent bruises, or maybe I’m just really white, but I ALWAYS have bruised up knees.
- · Involuntary ass jiggling. Yup. All the time. Specifically waiting in line at the grocery store.
- · Being overly comfortable talking openly about sexual stuff. We go out into the sunny real world and have to censor the crap out of ourselves.
- · Strippers are so tactile and gropey. Granted we’re a pretty close-knit bunch, but I’m pretty sure non-stripper groups of girlfriends don’t feel each other up as much as we do. For example, I was standing in line at the end of the evening to pay my rent with a bunch of other girls and one of them suddenly exclaimed that the girl in front of hers lips were so soft! She grabbed my hand and shoved it between Miss Soft Lip’s legs, to which I agreed that she had baby-soft lips. I don’t think that’s normal or a bunch of mostly-straight women. I could be wrong, but if it were normal, I don’t think we’d ever have wars, hatred, or bigotry.
