“Pole Clamming”

Here's a random stripper term you might not care to know exists, but it does….and it's gross.

Pole clamming: the act of wrapping one's legs around the pole while in the nude and letting your 'clam' touch the pole. Unfortunately those who believe pole clamming is acceptable also tend to believe gyrating while in this position is also acceptable. It's not.

In short, once the panties are off ladies, don't put your pussy on that pole. It's not good for you, and it certainly isn't good for the girl that has to follow you on stage.

Oh no you DI’INT!

I think I'm going to make this an ongoing list as this is obviously a constant part of the job…

Responses to the infamous question "would you like a dance" and how we strippers would really like to reply.

• This is an actual word for word conversation that I had with a charming customer earlier this evening. We'd been chatting for a bit and I finally posed the question. His response: "Oh no thanks, there's too many rules and limits here. Texas clubs are so much better, you can get so much more for your money." Look, there's nothing we can do about the rules and regulations the state places on strip clubs, get over it. My response: "Well, puddin', you and I are not currently in Texas; would you like a North West style dance or not?" He responded in a very blasé fashion, waving his hand at the other side of the room, "Eh, why don't you go try to get a dance from someone else and if you can't, come back here and I'll see what I can scrape up for you." I was completely offended and forced myself to stand and walk away before I relieved him the few teeth he had left. No thanks douche bag, I can do without your pity dance.
  
• Here's a few of the standard responses that we apparently just can't get enough of. Oh boy. Oh boy.
  
  • "Maybe later" or "Not right now" – A simple "maybe later" almost never actually means 'please come back later'. It usually means 'I don't want a dance, but I haven't the balls to turn this half-naked chick down'. Jesus Christ, just man up and say "no thank you"! We'd much rather hear that so you're not wasting our time later on if we bother coming back and asking again.
    
  • "I'm all out of money!" - LEAVE. No, seriously.
    
  • "I'm married" or just a flash of the diligent ring finger– Congratulations! So how about that dance? Oh oh, you're saying you can't get a dance because you're married. Do…you have a bed-time too?
    
  • "Oh I'm just watching the show tonight." – So when you go into a restaurant and the waitress asks for your order, do you turn her down telling here you'd just like to stare at the food instead?
    
  • "No thanks, but could you bring me that girl?" – Oh no you DI'INT! (Said Shaniqua style.) If you have a death wish involving a stiletto pierced spleen, say this. Never fails.
    

It really is just better to be honest and clear. Here are a few handy responses that you can never go wrong with: No thanks. Yes please. Not right now, but I really would like you to come back as I find you are the most fantastically gorgeous goddess here and I would like you to rub yourself all over my bod sometime before the evening is out.

…and I get paid for this?

I don't know what it is, but sometimes at work every girl there just lesbians out. Maybe it's the downturn in the economy (we're not nearly as busy as we once were), maybe it's some special time of the month, some moon cycle….but good lord that was a lot of biting, kissing, spanking, licking, and groping.

Now I know a few of the girls identify as bi or having very fluid sexualities, but even the ones who I know are straight were getting in on the femme energy tonight.

I love my job. It was slow and I didn't really make much money, but good times with the girls.

Fetishists

I love fetishists. I'm a rather kinky person myself so when I run across a kinky patron, I always have fun.

Last night I encountered a man who I'd danced for years ago. He couldn't recall my name or remember much about my upper body (though, to be fair, I do change my hair around quite a bit), but he did remember my stockings exactly. He remembered the brand, the denier, everything.

I love fetishists because they're perceptibly passionate. I don't mean they're all running round shouting how much they might like feet or latex cat suits, but they do tend to noticeably respond and react to stimuli associated with their fetish. And since I get off on reactions, fetishists are my favorite kind of customer.

Background stuff.

As this is my first post, here’s a bit of background on my little world of sin:

The club I dance at is an alcohol-free all nude (on stage) strip club. Since the club doesn’t serve alcohol, the dancers are the club’s principal patrons. We, as dancers, pay a flat house fee to work each night. We essentially make all of our money off of lap dances, with additional earnings from stage tips.

I’m not really sure how much else I need to say about the business so I’ll most likely end up haphazardly inserting snippets of information as it seems necessary.

It might also be important to mention that I’ve been dancing for about three years. As the turnover for dancers is quite high, three years of employment at the same club has earned me seniority. It will become evident why this is vital information later on.

Also, all the names of the dancers, waitress, customers, friends, and management have been changed to protect the deliciously guilty.

Enticing, yes?